May 2013
repeating-serenity:
my little brother wrote about me for school and this was one of the sentences he wrote. im sobbing “my sister is my role model because she can watch 12 years worth of law and order in 3 months”
tinkervrisk:
physical education more like pointless embarrassment
egberts:
of all the dumb stuff i did when i was younger at least i can proudly say i was never a fan of annoying orange
edwad:
fffcuk:
i can’t stop watching Weeds
ur supposed to smoke them
condorn:
*loses a follower*
aw its a shame everyones deleting these days!!!
circumcising:
condorn:
i wish you could follow people in real life
it’s called stalking and i think u can go to jail for that
vaspim1fag9392bitch383slut:
pygmyalpaca:
vaspim1fag9392bitch383slut:
WE AT THE HOTEL MOTEL HOLIDAY INN pitbull - hotel room service
How do you remember your URL?
got it tramp stamped tatted on ur mom so everytime i fuk her i refresh my memory
dampsandwich:
vagisodium:
dampsandwich:
im not 21 please dont say the A word around me.
anchovies
great im going to be grounded now i hope your happy
brvdleysoileau:
how is “slut” even an insult wtf get that dick grl
how am i meant to control my life i can’t even control my hair
partybarackisinthehousetonight:
pro tip: fill the piñata with absolutely nothing to prepare your kids for the letdowns of adulthood
jimbertimber:
coming out to your parents by saying swiggity swag guess whos a fag
alltimeangela:
why does leonardo dicaprio always end up dead in the water with no girlfriend
theyellowbrickroad:
money doesnt buy happiness but i cant say id be upset in the least bit if i suddenly inherited 5 million dollars
lalalafrickyou:
bloody-nips:
i’m watching Extreme Couponing and i just saw a woman rack up a charge of over $1000 and then her coupon game was so fucking raw by the end of it the store owed her $8. what the fuck
“her coupon game was so fuckin raw” is basically the best string of words ever concocted
trillow:
i got 99 problems and i can’t remember any of them so i guess that makes a hundred
shutupaubrey:
ketchuponmydick:
shutupaubrey:
if there’s ketchup on it i’ll most likely eat it
When u wanna come over
you took time out of your day to do this
dampsandwich:
I DIDNT EVEN DO MY HOMEWORK *SLAPS TEACHERS ASS AND SKATEBOARDS AWAY*
snorlaxatives:
jamie lynn spears better hope i don’t catch her ass on the streets she’s dead to me for getting zoey 101 cancelled
earthnation:
my middle name is luv2troll34
wishcave:
*opens jacket* hey u wanna buy some oh jesus fuck it’s cold *closes jacket*
whatnycusedtobe:
once i was having a sleepover and it was like three in the morning and my friend just says ‘what if there was a store just for food?’
then three minutes later she blurted out ‘grocery store’
rabioheab:
earlier this year 2 boys got expelled from my school for going on a teachers email and sending another teacher an email that says “you’re a disgusting little man” and i laugh about it all the time because imagine opening an email from your coworker and thinking it’s important and then it says that
emilioestevez:
story time
so about 7 months ago, my girlfriend at the time asked me to move in. so i did and we lived together for roughly 6 weeks. she asked me to move out until i was mature enough to live with a girl because in those 6 weeks i drew a dick on her face while she was sleeping 11 times.
megaman2:
megaman2:
“mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was…… extremely silly?”
“no, i said she was fucking goofy”
i my if was gay
me: im son gay was
my son: what
drarna:
instead of learning from my mistakes i like to dwell on them until i have a panic attack
eracist:
I’m really good at stuff until people watch me do that stuff
romulusthread:
panemsrebellion:
romulusthread:
STOP UNFOLLOWING ME I HAVE 5 CHILDREN AND A WIFE TO SUPPORT
you are a gay teenage boy
NOT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN
assiest:
2 life vests left on the titanic
this one’s for me.. this one’s for my homies who died tonight *tosses into ocean*
mormondad:
getting a boner before marriage is a sin
best-of-funny:
harlequinjade:
solluxtux:
harlequinjade:
let’s only use ham as reaction pics from now on
thats a horrible idea
nyozeka:
i hope my first child is a dragon
1 tag
nickmoorexvx:
Yesterday a guy came up to me at work was like “How are you ever going to get a job with all those piercings?”
I’ll say that again.
A guy came up to me
at work
and asked “How are you ever going to get a job with all those piercings?”
dontwinfriendswithsalad:
can i still be punk if i’ve been crying for four straight hours
dysenterygay:
i asked my italian grandfather if the rough parts of italy were called the spaghetto and look at me w/ so much shame
partybarackisinthehousetonight:
is this cocaine gluten free
vvorldwideweb:
i hate when people think youre lying just because you laugh
dampsandwich:
the entire school was burning down and i had to pull the fire alarm. i sprinted over to it. there was writing on it in permanent ink. it said: if you pull this down you are gay. no way was i pulling the fire alarm anymore
notahoe:
eyebrows can literally either make you or break you
I’m so insecure like I could be married to my husband of 40 years and I would still wonder if he likes me or not
matzoballer:
your mama is so fat that - wait she’s not really fat actually she’s kinda hot… hey tell your mom i said hi
fartgallery:
if I start blushing and you yell “awww you’re embarrassed!!!!!” I will never speak to you ever again
